On Growth

You may recognize this post from Meg's blog a few weeks ago, but I wanted to share on my little blog too..

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This spring, I decided to learn how to garden. I bought a few plants, easy ones, just pansies and alyssum to start out. My sweet husband made me an awesome planter box out of some wood we salvaged from an old dresser. One of the ladies here at camp has a beautiful garden, so I asked her to help me plant my flowers and teach me how to take care of them. This time, I really wanted to keep those plants alive.  



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So she taught me how much to water them and how often, she taught me how to cut them down after they bloom, and she taught me how to plant them with enough space and deep enough down that the roots get all the water they need.

After a few weeks, I knew I needed to "dead-head" (trim the spent blooms off) and I found myself not wanting to. I didn't want to cut away pieces of my precious plant, in fear I would ruin it. So I stared at my flowers, and at the dead ones that needed to be cut off, and I made myself do it. 

I started thinking and realized I do this with a lot of things in my life. I don't want to remove the parts that are finished. I'm afraid of letting things go that aren't necessarily what they once were to me. 

But you know what, after I dead-headed those flowers, the plant looked fresh. It wasn't cluttered with dead blooms and the live ones had room to reach closer to the sun.

It made me realize that this is sometimes what  God asks us to do, to remove parts of our lives that are spent so that the new, alive parts can reach Him better. I need to be more prepared and willing to get rid of the things that are just cluttering my life with dead leaves per se, and allow the new parts of me to feel fresh. To feel alive. And to have a way cleared for them to blossom. 

God promises us that he renews our hearts, and that when we ask for forgiveness our slates are wiped clean. What are you allowing yourself to hang on to that is cluttering the newness in your life? Allow yourself to move on, to make a fresh day for yourself. I bet you'll feel a lot better when you do :)

A Flipping Baby

.. literally though.

Yesterday afternoon I had a doctor's appointment and I had no idea what to expect. I thought I was getting a TB test and a pelvic exam, and when I arrived, the nurse told me I was getting an ultrasound! Zach and I were so excited to see the little peanut again. Five weeks ago we got to see it, and it looked like a tadpole.

This time, I got to have the tummy ultrasound (mama's -- you know what the other one is I'm referring to lol) so I was happy about that. When she found the babe, I could see its face! Like a real baby!! Then she rolled around to see the legs, and when she tried to pause on them, the baby started moving. I think I said outloud "Oh my Gosh! It's alive!!!!" like I've said before, I know I'm pregnant but sometimes it's hard to actually believe there's a real baby in there!

Anyways, as she held the little monitor on my belly, we saw the baby move from laying on its back, to curling up on its tummy like a frog, then wiggling around to show its face & then its back/spine.

I love my little swimming baby! I think we're gonna have a gymnast with all the flips it was doing! I can't wait to hold that little squirmer in my arms in just a few months :)

this baby in my tummy

being pregnant is a funny thing. i mean i know there's a baby in there, although a very small one, but it's really hard to actually believe it. i've been focusing on being sick, being tired, being cranky -- because those are "touchable" things. I feel them, see them, taste them. i think a part of me is really, really afraid of having a baby. part of it is the fear of loss. what if something happens between now and January? what if something happens after then? if I allow my heart to love this baby, admit it's there, i fear that i will lose it. every time I get a tiny cramp my heart drops.

anyways, i was thinking about it yesterday & i want to make sure i don't seem ungrateful. i've posted a few statuses on facebook about feeling like the life is being sucked out of me (which it kind of is) and being sick all the time (which I am) -- but I want to focus on this tiny life inside of me instead of how I feel. because this time, it's just not about me. its about this baby. our baby. not someone elses, but mine. mine to love, to teach, to grow, to discipline. to shape into the best person it can be. the truth is, i am so grateful. this is something i have wanted my entire life, and in the most recent years & months i've even dreamt about. i long to know this child, to snuggle it and hold it and let it need me. i'm so afraid of that never happening; i'm allowing fear to hold my instead of love. i need to let myself love the life in my tummy.

i'm so thankful for this little baby. i'm thankful that without much thought or effort, the stick said "Pregnant" the first time i peed on it. nowadays, that is definitely not always the case.

i'm learning how not to live in fear, how to allow myself to love this baby without meeting it, even with the chance i may never meet it on this earth. i trust Him though, no matter what happens. and with Him i have hope that i will indeed get to hold this baby in my arms in just a few months.

oh sweet baby, see the turmoil you're already causing in my brain? we've got a long road ahead of us...

and i can't wait to see where it takes us =)

my tiny 10 week belly



Friday's Letters.. again

Dear Blog Friends & Friends Who Read My Blog, ummm I suck. Well not entirely my fault, but the wifi here is just horrible. I really miss writing and I really miss reading your blogs. Praying it will be fixed soon. Text me in the meantime :) and yes, I'm writing this post from my work computer. Dear Seattle, I'm coming for you ... tomorrow!! Dear Coconut Oil & Raw Sugar, thanks for sluffing away my dead skin. 'Preciate it. Dear Sunny Southern California, you are beautiful. I love it here. Dear Baby in my Tummy, I love you a lot already. I'll love you more when I'm not throwing up anymore... and you're still getting a spanking when you're born for causing all this sickness. But really, I can't believe you're mine and that my body is giving you everything you need. It blows my mind. Dear Neat&Tidy Friends, can you give me some advice? Can't quite figure out how to keep the house from tornado status. Dear Hobby Lobby, you've been beckoning me lately. Time to get my crafty on I think :) Dear Dad, sorry I won't be with you on Father's Day, but I will see you on Monday!! Can't wait! Love you. Dear Canon Rebel, I'm obsessed with you and can't wait to learn to use you better. I'm having a lot of fun playing with you though! Dear Zach, next time I say I'm too tired to go for a walk, push me out the door, will ya? Thanks :)

My Favorite Pregnancy Items So Far

I know I'm still a noob at being pregnant, but there are a few things that I have been really thankful for & that have helped me out! I said last week I've been sick, so some have to do with that but some are just general :)

1. Boppy Prenatal Cuddle Pillow

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My sweet husband surprised me with this on Mother's Day because he knew I had been having trouble sleeping. Even though my belly hasn't started really growing yet, my sleep has definitely been interrupted by hip pain and I knew that sleeping with a pillow between my legs helps baby develop better anyways. The shape of this pillow is great, and will be awesome once I have a big ol' belly because of the shape at the top to support it!

2. The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy

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This book is seriously hilarious. Zach keeps laughing at me because I'll be silently reading on the couch and then I'll snort I'll be laughing so hard. The author is SO funny, but she also has tons of great advice. I not only appreciate the laughs, but also knowing I'm not the only one these weird things are happening to!!

3. Delighted Momma's DIY Stretch Mark Prevention Oil

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Although my mom doesn't have stretch marks (which according to the book above means I am likely not to either !!!), I still want to be preventative just in case. Since my boobs have been growing at exponential rates lately, they appreciate this intense moisture & it helps with my tummy not being itchy when it grows. I highly recommend this potion, especially since it's all natural!

4. Queasy Pops

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I tried sucking on ginger and drinking Canada Dry (which actually does help) but my sweet Aunt Cindy sent me these in the mail one day and they have been life savers!! It's nice to be able to keep these in my purse at all times so I can pull one out when I start to get gaggy. I wish I had them sooner!!

5. Comet Lavender Fresh

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Let's be honest here. I've never cared more about our toilet being clean until this babe decided my head needed to be in it nightly. I appreciate this comet because it doesn't smell very strong and it works realllly well. Enough said.

What are some of your favorite pregnancy items?! I would love some advice!

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage...

It's time I finally told y'all the REAL reason I've been completely absent these last few weeks!
 
Baby Harris, expected to arrive around New Years 2013!

We are SO excited to welcome this bundle of joy, and I am SO excited for the constant nausea to be done! So please forgive me for being out of touch, I've been hugging the toilet or sleeping for the last four weeks straight.

I'm excited for all the support we've already received from our families & close friends, and I've been reading up on all your momma advice on this little blog world! What would we do without eachother? :)