31 and a half week update!

Whew! It's been so long since I've typed in this pretty little white box :) I've really missed it and I'm dissapointed because I wanted to be better about documenting the little things throughout this pregnancy.

Basically the last month has been filled with baby showers, family, and settling into our new house. Yep, we got to move! Now instead of our little trailer we have a two story beautiful home :) that has pretty much taken up all of my energy, I never realized how truly difficult being pregnant is, its exhausting! In a really good way though.  

A sign I loved in my aunt's house.

The fabric my mama and I picked for Bennett's bedding!

I got to travel up to Seattle and spend time with my amazing family and see tons of friends too! It was so amazingly refreshing. And I got spoiled rotten at both showers. Thank you to those of you who helped out and came! I am so blessed by you.  

Our adorable nephew, Logan.

Zach and sleeping Will.. a preview for when Bennett comes!

Zach's parents, sister & brother-in-law, and nephews got to come out to San Diego this month, and it was so great spending time with them. I fell more in love with our sweet nephews and grew so much more appreciative for my amazing inlaws. Seriously, I scored in the inlaw department.   Other than that, my life has been consumed with thoughts and preparations for Bennett. It's crazy that this little person has completely taken over and he isn't even here yet. I find myself daydreaming about what he'll look like, what his snuggles will feel like, and if he'll wiggle as much out of my belly as he does while he's in there :) I pray for him to have a good temperament and to be a joyful person, to grow up to be strong in the Lord and respectful of others, to have a sense of humor and to be confident. I already love this little boy so much, and I just can't wait to meet him!  

A progression of bump pictures from the last couple of weeks :)

Baby's size:  According to thebump.com, baby is the size of a pineapple! Sleep:  ...I'm sorry, what is that?
Maternity Clothes:  I've snuck in a few sweatshirts and vests that arent maternity, but I am carrying this baby completely in front so non-maternity tops are pretty much not an option at this point
Food cravings:  Still haven't really had any cravings.

 Symptoms I have:  Exhausted, achy back, cranky :)
Labor signs: None yet, although I should start feeling Braxton Hicks contractions anyday!

Stretch Marks: None so far, thankfully. I still attest this to Delighted Momma's stretch mark oil.

Swelling: In my face mostly. My fingers too, but not my ankles yet.
Doctor’s Appointment: I have one today with my ob, and go to a specialist in two weeks. I have a low platelet level so my ob wants me to see a hematologist and then a high risk pregnancy doctor just to make sure everything is alright and also to prepare for what could happen during delivery. Prayers appreciated :)
Movement:  All the time, seriuously this kid doesn't sit still ever. Now he's big enough I can see him moving which is just weird.

Belly Button:   Super flat, not looking like it will pop out though. Best moment of the week: Going through all of the baby things we've gotten, organizing, washing everything, and putting it away :) What I’m looking forward to: Getting Bennett's room painted and setting up his crib and dresser so that it looks like it's ready for him!

What I miss: Being able to bend over without groaning, and putting on my own socks and shoes haha.

And This is Why I Love Where I Live

Sometimes I have those moments. Those moments when I realize just how big God is, how small I am, how insignificant my life is, yet how immensely blessed I am.

Saturday morning I woke up and went to work just like any other day. I wore wedges and eye make up because I was feeling a little frumpy and large with my expanding stomach, and I wanted to feel pretty. I was tired, ready for a day off, and just wanted to get to 5 pm.

Zach ended up working late and we didn't have dinner until 6:30. We sat with a few other staff members, including our director William, and everyone was pretty mellow after a long day. The fire department had put a ban on all campfires due to the Santa Ana winds, so I made sure all the leaders knew that they weren't able to have one that night.

Zach and William decided they would go collect the firewood at the fire rings so that no one would wander down and start a fire. I asked if I could ride along, so we all piled into the 4x4 Gator and headed down. When William learned I had never been to Inspiration Point he said "alright, well lets go for a ride!" I have heard about Inspiration Point, and I knew it was only about a mile behind the office down a simple trail, but I never have taken the time to go there.

We rode down about a mile and a half until we couldn't drive any further and still be able to turn around (we were on the side of a steep dirt hill). Then he said "k, lets hike". Remember where I said I had put on wedges that morning so I could feel pretty..? So I went barefoot :)

We hiked down about another 100 yards until we reached it, Inspiration Point. A rock cliff overlooking acres of dense forest, a creek rumbling below us, and the view of the ocean in the distance. It was beautiful. We sat down on rocks and talked about our hearts for camping, the power of wilderness and taking people out of their every day life, away from cell service. We talked about the future of this camp and the myriad of possibilities. We talked about parenting and raising a Godly son. Being an example and loving the Lord first.

It was wonderful. And it was where I live. I didn't go anywhere else, just took a ride after work. When it got dark, we hiked back up to the Gator and rode back to our house.

As if that wasn't enough of God's glory for one night; a man had set up a deep sky telescope outside our house and we decided to go check it out.

For the following hour, we looked at stars in galaxies outside of galaxies millions of lightyears away. It was absolutely incredible. I can't believe how big our God is yet how small we are and how he loves us. He created such a beautiful world, and so much of it we can't even see with our naked eye. The bible says he knows the number of stars in the sky. While other people were taking turns looking in the telescope, my friend Becca just laid on the asphalt and stared up into the sky. We could see millions of stars. It was so beautiful. We laid there, listened to the sound of night in the woods, and talked about how much God loves us.

It was wonderful... and this is where I live.

24 Week Update

Don't mind my puffy face.. I had just woken up ok :)

Baby's size: 8.5 inches "an ear of corn"

Sleep: Intermittent. Definitely depends on the night! 

 

Maternity Clothes: I think I'm going to delete this question because that's all I can wear now.

Food cravings:  No real cravings, just when I hear something then I have to have it. Like. Now. ex: blue slurpees, banana bread, pretzels with cheese...

 

Symptoms I have:  Tiredness, cramping, really tight belly skin, sore lower back.

Doctor’s Appointment: uneventful, next time I get a TB test and the whooping cough/tetanus shot

Movement: ALL.THE.TIME. I love it. And I love when Zach gets to feel him, and my friends at camp like to feel him. It's my favorite :)

Belly Button:   Very very flat!

Best moment of the week: Probably bursting into hysterical tears at the labor scene in Juno. Zach had no idea what to do with me.

What I’m looking forward to: Moving into our new house!

What I miss: Sleep, wine, not achy back.

I am getting so antsy to meet our little man! We have been so blessed with already receiving thoughtful gifts for him.


Hi  FF friends!

Bennett Gets His Own Room!

This is yet another story of God's faithfulness! As you may know, we live and work at a christian camp in the mountains of San Diego county. The camp provides our housing for free which is a huge blessing.

When we found out I am pregnant, one of my first thoughts after the excitement  calmed down was where is the baby going to live? You see, we currently live in a 400 sq ft renovated trailer. It's just enough room for two adults, and that's it.

The camp owns a few other houses that have more bedrooms, but there are people living in all of them. I've been praying hard all summer for something to work out for us, as it's caused a little bit of anxiety not knowing where this babe will live and play. I also didn't want to uproot another family for my own selfish wants of having more space for baby Bennett.

Zach and I have been praying hard now since May for a home to open or be provided for us & our growing family.

A few weeks ago, my boss became involved with a young woman who had a past in human trafficking. She needed a safe place to go and my boss was helping her find somewhere and loving her through the process. Throughout finding her a new home, she and her husband have felt an incredibly strong calling into the human trafficking ministry. They have decided to move on from working in camping and start working with women who have been apart of that horrible world.

They will be moving at some point this fall. They have a two bedroom house... And the camp has decided that we get to move into their house!!

You guys, seriously. So many blessings. My mind has been racing with things we haven't had this year! A fireplace, a washer/dryer in our house, a dishwasher, a place for a Christmas tree, a room for our son!!

I am so amazed by God's faithfulness! We had absolutely no idea this would happen, my boss was planning on staying here a long long time but through her devotion to following the Lord's call on their life, our baby will get all the room in the world to run and play :)

Family photo :) also... My husband got a raise this week. Seriously, we're having a good week!

Finding Joy

*aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

That's my sigh of relief. The summer season at camp is over and we're back to only having guest groups in on the weekends. This means no more working weeknights, getting woken up by singing or screaming campers at midnight, etc. Back to the simplicity I love so much about living in the mountains :)

It has been a hugely blessed summer here, and I've had a blast working in the office. I've had the pleasure of meeting some truly touching people who have come to stay here. I've also been challenged and stretched in ways I never have before. Things I can't write about in the open, which is why I've been absent here. It's hard to keep blogging pretending everything is hunky-dory when it's really not. This season of life has been one of the hardest, and there were days when I literally wanted to give up & quit. But I didn't, I kept going, I kept praying and you know what? I made it. And I feel refreshed. And I feel stronger because I leaned into the Lord for strength when I knew I didn't have any of my own left.

I'm not saying I did this with the most grace, because I certainly am a whiner. That is something I am working on :) Through all the struggles I've faced this summer, one huge blessing has been the summer staff office help: Joyann. She is the most gracious, gentle, and kind spirit I think I've ever met. It's been HUGE for me to be able to sit next to her every day and see her example of holding her tongue, always keeping a positive attitude, and giving such Godly encouraging advice.  God truly blessed me by having the privilege of working with her day in and day out. That or He really wanted me to learn to be more like Him. Joyann is one of the most Christ-like people I've known and seriously, I can't put to words what her example has meant to me. I've learned a lot this summer from her, and just from being herself.

Throughout the challenges I've faced this summer, I've also been emotionally different. Pregnancy is hard. I haven't felt 100% in five months, I finally got over being sick and now I can't sleep through the night, I'm sensitive, and to top that all off I tend to be passive aggressive. At work I feel the need to hold that all in and keep a smile on my face. When coworkers offend or irritate me I just look away and take a deep breath; when guests are pushy or rude, I smile and offer ways to come to a solution.

It's exhausting. I don't want to ignore coworkers who bother me, I want to yell at them. I don't want to offer helpful solutions to guests who are rude to me, I want to tell them to figure it out themselves if they're so unappreciative. But instead, I hold it all in for eight hours and then when my sweet husband picks me up he gets the whole day of frustration poured out on him. I hate that I do that. It's not Christlike. It's not respectful. It's not encouraging.

It hurts my heart when I am impatient with Zach. Sweet Zach who loves me no matter what and hugs me when I'm yelling at him for no reason. So I've been trying to find ways to relieve that tension at the end of the days. I'm incredibly blessed to live in the woods where there are so many places to go, and also to live at a camp that has a herd of horses.

This week after work, I headed up to the barn and helped our wrangler feed the horses. AKA I stood in the back of a flat bed truck and threw hay into the pastures. And you know what, I haven't been that happy in a long time. Something about being outside, feeling the fresh air on my skin, hearing the horse noises when they see the truck coming & they are so excited.

When I came home on Monday evening after feeding, I was smiling, laughing, had energy. Zach even said "wow, I haven't seen you in this good of a mood in a long time." So on Thursday, my day off, I came up to help lead arena rides for a special needs group we had in last week. I spent two hours walking in circles, leading these adults around the arena on horseback. It was so.much.fun.

Sometimes I'm overly tired, sometimes I'm emotional, sometimes I feel depressed, sometimes I get unnecessarily cranky. Always, God is enough. Always, He provides a solution. Always, He leads me to where I can find joy.

20 Week Update

It's a Boy!!

Bennett Clark Harris

I can't wait to meet this sweet little boy!

As some of you know, I really wanted a girl. Honestly, it was to the point that I wasn't sure how I would feel if this baby was a boy. In church last Sunday, part of the message talked about Abraham wanting an heir and taking a servant from his household since he had no children, and instead, God promised Abraham a Son to carry on his family. At this moment, I knew I was having a boy. I truly think God showed me that having a boy is more than just a baby with a blue nursery, it's about raising a strong, noble man. I couldnt help but be so incredibly proud that this baby boy will have Zach as his main example of a man of God. We are both also very blessed to have amazing Dads for this little boy to look up to!

When I got to my ultrasound on Wednesday, the tech pulled up the screen of the little legs and when I looked up I exclaimed, "That is definitely a boy!!". And to tell you the truth, I am SO excited! The Lord will give me a baby girl when it is the right time, and right now it is our time to raise a son. My heart hasn't been this giddy with joy since the day we got engaged!

Alright now to the update on my growing bump :)

Taken this morning at 20 weeks

Baby's size: One app says mango, one app says small canteloupe!

Sleep: I sleep pretty well, my sweet hubby got me the Boppy sleep pillow and it has been a life saver.

 

Maternity Clothes: I have a couple of loose fitting tops I can still wear, but other than that I'm all maternity! My belly hangs out of my regular shirts now haha! I wish that in the last couple of years I would have bought a few more looser tops so that I didn't have to purchase so much right now.

Food cravings:  Nothing overwhelming yet, but I have been loving a slurpee and coconut/mango froyo!

Symptoms I have: Cranky & tired. My poor husband :)

Doctor’s Appointment: Baby measured a week ahead of where I'm supposed to be. Hoping this means we'll meet him sooner than later!

Movement: Just started feeling him this week! It feels like an eyelid twitch but bigger. I am LOVING feeling him wiggle around!

Belly Button:  It's getting very very flat, but hasn't poked out yet.

Best moment of the week: Finding out we have a "him"! (I was so ready to not say"it" anymore)

What I’m looking forward to: 

Going home to Seattle in September, feeling Bennett move more.

 

What I miss: Wine.

Attempt #1 to Find out Baby's Gender

So when my friend Sarah (the one who was with me when I found out I was pregnant) moved here, we instantly clicked. She teases me because I always say I have the worst luck, but I have a pretty dang good life. Anyways, the longer we are friends, the more she starts to believe in my bad luck...

Two weeks ago I had a regular OB checkup. Last month, the doctor had said we could maybe check for the gender at this appointment (I was almost 18 weeks). So Zach and I prayed and prayed that it would work out. I am so tired of this guessing game and just want to know!

So we arrive to the office, checkin, and wait... and wait.... and wait. They finally call my name and by now I am convinced that we must have had to wait because my awesome doc just wanted to get us into the ultrasound room to check on that gender! And then they take us to room number 2, which definitely had no ultrasound machine.

The doc comes in and listens to the heartbeat, asks me the regular checkup questions, and says "OK, see you in another month!". At this point some words my dad said countless times pop into my head: Always ask for what you want; the worst that can happen is they'll say no. So I coyly say, "Hey last month you mentioned that you might be able to check on the gender..."

This is the funny part. The doctor gets a big smile on her face, peeks out of our room and says, "there is someone in the ultrasound room right now but just wait in here and I'll watch for when they come out." We only waited about a minute and then scurried to room 4 to check on the babe. The nurse was trying to put a new patient in there and the doctor had to stop them so we could sneak in! Haha!

So we hurry in, she preps my belly and starts looking around in there. She gets super quiet and keeps looking and looking and looking. By this point I'm wondering what the heck she sees in there!

After about 3 minutes of looking, she gets a sad expression, looks over at us and says, "I'm really sorry, but the umbilical cord is between the baby's legs. I just can't see what the gender is."

Seriously?! I swear this crap only happens to me!! The doctor SNUCK us in to get an extra ultrasound and still couldn't see the gender!

The good news is, we have an appointment in precisely two hours with a sonographer, and I'd appreciate all the prayers I can get that this baby lets us see if its a little princess or prince!