Planting Roots

For those who don't know, I grew up moving around all. the. time. I am 23 years old and have moved 11 times. You can do the math and realize that I've never really been able to plant roots. I am great at making new friends, and  pretending I am comfortable in a room full of people I don't know, but I have never had what some people talk about as their childhood home, home they grew up in, the house that built them (name that tune..), etc. I do not resent moving, I would not change the way I grew up for anything, because it would change who I am and where I am right now, and I love where I am now.

Anyways, the past few weeks I have been noticing an underlying anxiety that makes my chest tighten every so often. Nothing too serious, but I knew there was something deep down bothering me and I just couldn't place my finger on it.

I work in the mortgage industry, and right now the most common demographic of people purchasing homes are "first time home buyers" - mostly people around my own age. All day I am organizing and setting up these files, just lots of paper, sometimes I get to see the people whose home I am helping them purchase, but usually I don't. I get to see appraisals and photos of their new homes. I see their income, how much they have in savings, their bank account statements and where they spend their money day to day.

Right now Zach and I rent. We live in our friends' basement, which we are so grateful for even if there are tons and tons of spiders. I constantly talk about owning a home, and I see the stress in Zach's eyes when I do. I'm pretty sure home ownership to him just means being broke. Which doesn't have to be the case if you are smart about it!! It was today I realized why I get little palpitations of anxiety. I found this tutorial to make the budgeting envelopes, which are SO cute they actually make a budget look like fun (weird), and when I thought about budgeting and saving for a down payment I got the flutters again. AH-HA!

I have an overwhelming desire to own a home, our very own space to build our life, a family, and years of memories. I don't have one of those and I think this whole getting married thing is making me want more. It's no secret that we both really want babies, and I want a place to dream about them, and prepare for them to come. I want to have a yard of my own, to plant pretty flowers, vegetables, a white picket fence built by my husband (no joke, I've made Zach promise he will build one). Renting to me is so temporary. At any moment you can just pick up and leave and I don't like that feeling hanging over my head. Because of always moving when I was younger, I want somewhere to grow roots as a married couple. I have an image in my head of a green lawn, leaves falling on the sidewalk, and a cozy house with a fire to heat it.

But, that image isn't quite tangible right now. As I sifted through these thoughts while writing them down, I kept remembering I need to live in the present. We can pick up and leave, we can afford a few small vacations throughout the year, we can still be saving and dreaming of our future. Although I desire to plant my own roots, I know that where I am right now, like I said before, is perfect. We both have jobs, we have incredible friends, live in a beautiful place where there are a million and one things to do. So here's to being content with what I have & planning for the future while enjoying the present.

 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
   for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
   for to you I entrust my life.

{Psalm 143:8}