Wednesday, November 28, 2012

35 1/2 Week Update

This week has been so awesome.. I can't wait to share all about Thanksgiving and getting ready for baby B to arrive :) In the meantime.. here's a belly survey!

big ole belly in my lap!
and a silly self picture at my desk.. with my face actually looking less puffy than usual! woohoo!

How Far Along: 35 weeks, 6 days
Size of the Baby: According to my iPhone: 5.25 lbs and 18 inches long or the size of a honeydew melon
Stretch marks: yes :( it's deceiving that you dont get them til the end, because I really didn't think I would have any. I currently hate them and they kill my self esteem.. I won't even let Zach see them.
Sleep: I actually am sleeping pretty well. Seems like the 2nd trimester was my bad one for sleep and the 3rd has been wonderful. I also attest that to our new mattress pad though, have I mentioned how much I loooooooove it!
Best Moment of the Week: Having my mama and dad here working on Bennett's room! And my grandpa got to feel him moving, that was really special to me.
Movement: all.the.time. he honestly only stops moving for a little while, then I take one bite of food and he is wide awake again. I can't believe how much he is affected by my intake of food!
Gender: A little man!
Belly Button in or out: It's just flat. Like really really flat.
General Thoughts:  I'm so anxious to have everything ready. With moving last month I am still trying to get our house settled, let alone the nursery. When I'm at work, all I can think about is how much I have to do at home. When I'm at home, all I can think about is how tired & sore I am. Not a good cycle :) I did get a bunch of projects done with my mom last week - I am so thankful for her help. I just have a couple to finish up & then we need to seriously get the nursery ready for this babe. I'm so so antsy to meet him - I want to know what he looks like - if he'll be chunky or lanky; blonde or brunette or redhead; if I'll recognize his wiggles from being in my belly. I did let myself rest the entire weekend Zach was gone (he unexpectedly went home to Georgia to be with his sick grandmother), I thought about working hard but realized this is the last time I'll have the option of laying on the couch literally all day (which, for the record, I've never done before!) and it felt amazing.
Labor Signs: None so far!
Wedding ring on or off: Off :( I've really been missing it lately. Will make it that much more exciting to wear when I can though!
What I miss: Not feeling so awful all the time. I really didn't understand what a toll pregnancy takes on your body, at all. I have so much more respect for all mamas now! I am not one to deal with pain easily, but there are so many aches and creaks and pinches and crap that is going on, it's ridiculous.
What I am looking forward to: So much! Meeting him, and holding him in my arms; seeing Zach with him; wearing my rings again; being able to comfortably tie my shoes and sit up in bed; feeling settled in our home...
Nursery: Getting so dang close. Just not quite ready though! It's looking so cute though :) 
Emotions: Oh all over the place. I have become extremely irritable and less likely to hold my tongue.. and I've been meeting so many new people lately it's horrible. I can't wait til they get to meet the non-pregnant Katie! I've also had a pretty great self image until these last couple of weeks, the puffy face combined with the stretch marks are totally bringing me down. I know both of those things are totally normal, but still doesn't make it any easier to see on yourself. A few tears have been shed, I'll confidently admit. I know the roller coaster will continue when Bennett is born, but for now I will just keep my chin up for 4ish more weeks until he is in my arms.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Pregnancy Brain Written Out {and my realization all I need is Jesus}

I'm officially 6 1/2 weeks out from my due date, which means I can expect baby anytime between 4-8 weeks from now. Insane, how fast the end of this pregnancy is going. I was just telling Anna that the first half dragged on, I literally thought we would never make it to week 20 let alone 40. Now here I am, almost 34 weeks along .. still confused at whether thats 7 1/2 or 8 1/2 months, and feeling slightly overwhelmed at becoming a mom.

I feel like I should have read more books, learned about boy things, had his nursery ready by now. What if he comes and I slip into post partum depression and all we do is cry? Or what if I get so overwhelmed that I give up on any scheduling and he turns out to be a spoiled baby who gets whatever he wants? What if I'm not good enough?

That last one is my biggest struggle. I've always struggled with not feeling "good enough". Not good enough to have friends when I moved in high school, not good enough to earn my dad's love, not good enough to find a husband, or not good enough to be a great employee. Now, high school is over, I'm almost done working, my dad and I have had some seriously huge changes in our relationship and I never doubt how much he loves & is proud of me, and you can all see how amazing of a husband I have.

But this whole becoming a parent thing, I can't grasp. I felt like I had so much time to prepare, research, read. Now I have just a little over a month left and wonder where this time has gone. I feel like I should have an idea of how I want to structure our days (of course that will be decided by the baby, but I want to have some sort of plan), I feel like I should have a routine ready. I've seen moms with night time routines starting from birth (I know Ashley has a good one), I see moms reading Godly parenting books (Alaina has shared a few), or how about a birth plan (this Ashley had an incredibly detailed one)!

I feel like going into this whole parenting thing blindly is the wrong way to do it. It's the most important thing I'll ever do, and I realize that. I don't want to fall behind, wish I had done something earlier, wish I had known more.

The funny thing is, the entire time I've been writing this post, I can hear the Holy Spirit whispering "ask Me". I guess that's the most important lesson of all, huh? That a mom seeking after Jesus fully is all my baby will need. Maybe that's why I felt prompted to write this all out, so I could hear the Lord telling me to come to him, rather than wonder if I am allowed to take Xanax while pregnant so my mind can calm down.

In Jeremiah the Lord says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart."  Looks like it is time for me to stop watching so much Parenthood and Revenge, and instead open up my Bible and journal and see what the Lord truly has to teach me.

Makes me so thankful that our sweet Jesus is always waiting for me, even when it takes me this long to realize He is all I need to raise this baby boy.

PS thank you to those of you who have been so willing to answer any and all of my questions I've panicked about recently! (Heather, Alaina, Melissa, Jana... thank you)

Friday, November 9, 2012

My Thankful List & Friday's Letters

33 weeks :)

Dear Fall, thank you for finally arriving. My pregnant self appreciates it. Dear Sister, I am so so so proud of you for doing the 3-day walk next weekend! I can't wait to come cheer you on. Dear Bennett, you can't come out yet. It feels like you are trying to climb out my bellybutton and I'm so excited to meet you but you have to stay in just a little bit longer. Dear Face, I can't wait until you're back to your normal size. This whole puffy/swollen thing really does a number on my self esteem. Dear Mom & Dad, I am beyond excited to see you in one week! Dear Meg, Kasey, and Jamie, I am beyond excited to spend tomorrow with you! Keep praying I can get off this mountain safely!

This week, I am thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally. I have been overwhelmed by the ways He's answered prayers I didn't even have the strength to pray, yet He heard my heart's cries. The Lord is so faithful.. even when it takes patience on our end. He is working all things for His good and in his perfect timing.

Check out what other people are thankful for at Momma's Me Time :)

Thursday, November 8, 2012

This That and the Other

Thoughts that have been running through my head lately that I felt worth documenting : )

  • Memory. Foam. Mattress. Pad. Need I say more? Yes, I do need to. My hips have been sore since basically the day I found out I was pregnant. I wake up in the middle of the night with one or both of them tingling/numb, and they ache throughout the day. We invested in a mattress pad this weekend (on super sale from Kohl's, plus I signed up for a credit card so got an additional 20% off!!) and SWEET JESUS that thing is amazing! Not only have I been sleeping through the night since we bought it, my hips haven't even hurt a little! It's like a magic memory foam or something. Who knows, but totally worth the money we spent on it.

  • Moving help... I've never really been "in shape" persay, but with tasks that require extra strength I usually can power through. I'm used to being the slow, weak one, but I just tell myself to keep going and I'm good. Well pregnancy is no joke. It's not the same as being out of shape. Yesterday I tried to "power through" the last couple boxes to pack and cleaning our old house... three hours later I could barely walk my lower back hurt so bad. No one scold me - the ladies at camp already did. haha! I am so thankful for friends I feel comfortable enough asking to come over and unpack my house for me. It's not easy to ask someone to do that for you, and the Lord has been so faithful to bless us with quite a few willing hearts lately!
Norman looking out the window, probably at bugs.

  • With my due date being in December, our plans of an Atlanta Thanksgiving and Seattle Christmas kind of got interrupted. We didn't think we'd get to see family for either holiday, because both sides will wait to come until Mr Bennett arrives. I've cried many tears about spending both holidays by ourselves, I really wanted to be with family! Unexpectedly, my mom was able to get permission to work 'remotely' since she is expecting her first grandbaby, and she and my dad get to come for the week of Thanksgiving! I am so so so excited to have my mama here to help setup the baby's room!
my little shadow, Hadley.

  • We got a new director at camp a few weeks ago, and oh my goodness it has been amazing. He and his family are so much fun, and we've so enjoyed hanging out with them, and I've enjoyed having fun at work again! Also, his wife Jana blogs :) Check out the Mountain Momma! She's a Southern hoot. They're from Texas, so Zach has been having a blast with Micah talking about all their southern shtuff. I'm partial to Southerners since my amazing hubby and his incredible family are from there. :)
Looking down at San Diego from the mountain. It's cool living above the clouds!

  • It was 80 degrees on Tuesday, and it's forecasted to snow on Friday. Just sayin'. How do I dress for weather like that?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The Zach Post

Pregnancy has changed a lot of things for me. Mentally, physically, emotionally... but it has also changed my perspective on things.

I take a lot for granted. Something/one huge I noticed this week is my husband. It dawned on me just how incredibly blessed I am to have him. Ever since we started dating, I have always noticed little things that make him "perfect" for me. Now that we've been together almost four years (wow, time flies), those little things are still true, and multiplying.

All too often lately I have trouble sleeping through the night, but more than not I find myself just so overwhelmed with love for Zach. It makes me feel like a big sap, but there have been moments lately where in the middle of the night I just squeeze him as hard as I can and thank the Lord for allowing us to be together.

I have days where I am soo grouchy and short with him, yet he still smiles at me and tells me how much he loves me.

Something we have always said to one another is "you picked me!" It started after we got engaged, and he or I would drive the other one nuts. One time I was being such a brat and Zach just looked at me and said, "You are driving me absolutely crazy today, but I sure do love you." all I responded with is, "you picked me!".

Nowadays, we say both of those phrases a lot to eachother, and that's ok. Because I did pick him, and he did pick me. And sometimes, when I'm being extra difficult, I will stop myself and just say "Thank you for picking me" because he didn't have to. He didn't have to put up with my crazy emotional self and choose to marry me, but he did.

I love how hard Zach works. I get frustrated when I don't feel like I get enough time with him, but bigger than my frustration is my gratitude that Zach gets to work in a job he is passionate about. He absolutely loves his job & loves working at a camp. What a huge blessing that is for us! Because even after a long day at work, he comes home rejuvinated from doing something he loves. He isn't worn out & cranky from stretching himself to do a job he doesn't enjoy, and he still has the energy to put towards our marriage even on long days.

Zach loves helping around the house, and especially since I've been pregnant. He finds joy in doing dishes and taking out trash and cleaning the cat box; not because he necessarily enjoys it, but because he knows how much it means to me. There are days where I spend the majority of my time on the couch and end up feeling like a big slob who is a horrible wife, and instead of making me feel guilty, Zach will rub my back and ask what he can do to help.

Most of all, Zach thinks I am beautiful. He loves when I take time to curl my hair, and always notices when I do my make up differently or try a new nail polish color -- but -- on days where I'm overdue for a shower, have a huge zit on my face, and have swollen, puffy hands and feet, he takes the time to slow down and say, "Katie, you are beautiful." It means the world to me, especially this late in my pregnancy when I feel like a blob. He holds me when I'm at my wits end and lets me cry, listens to my ridiculous complaints, and prays with me for patience and for a renewed heart.

In no way is our marriage perfect, but in every way we are perfect for one another. When I look into Zach's smiling eyes is when I feel like nothing in the world can bring me down. I am so so so thankful for that man, and believe that the Lord shows just how much He loves me through providing a husband who loves me about as close to unconditionally as I'll ever know on this earth.