And This is Why I Love Where I Live

Sometimes I have those moments. Those moments when I realize just how big God is, how small I am, how insignificant my life is, yet how immensely blessed I am.

Saturday morning I woke up and went to work just like any other day. I wore wedges and eye make up because I was feeling a little frumpy and large with my expanding stomach, and I wanted to feel pretty. I was tired, ready for a day off, and just wanted to get to 5 pm.

Zach ended up working late and we didn't have dinner until 6:30. We sat with a few other staff members, including our director William, and everyone was pretty mellow after a long day. The fire department had put a ban on all campfires due to the Santa Ana winds, so I made sure all the leaders knew that they weren't able to have one that night.

Zach and William decided they would go collect the firewood at the fire rings so that no one would wander down and start a fire. I asked if I could ride along, so we all piled into the 4x4 Gator and headed down. When William learned I had never been to Inspiration Point he said "alright, well lets go for a ride!" I have heard about Inspiration Point, and I knew it was only about a mile behind the office down a simple trail, but I never have taken the time to go there.

We rode down about a mile and a half until we couldn't drive any further and still be able to turn around (we were on the side of a steep dirt hill). Then he said "k, lets hike". Remember where I said I had put on wedges that morning so I could feel pretty..? So I went barefoot :)

We hiked down about another 100 yards until we reached it, Inspiration Point. A rock cliff overlooking acres of dense forest, a creek rumbling below us, and the view of the ocean in the distance. It was beautiful. We sat down on rocks and talked about our hearts for camping, the power of wilderness and taking people out of their every day life, away from cell service. We talked about the future of this camp and the myriad of possibilities. We talked about parenting and raising a Godly son. Being an example and loving the Lord first.

It was wonderful. And it was where I live. I didn't go anywhere else, just took a ride after work. When it got dark, we hiked back up to the Gator and rode back to our house.

As if that wasn't enough of God's glory for one night; a man had set up a deep sky telescope outside our house and we decided to go check it out.

For the following hour, we looked at stars in galaxies outside of galaxies millions of lightyears away. It was absolutely incredible. I can't believe how big our God is yet how small we are and how he loves us. He created such a beautiful world, and so much of it we can't even see with our naked eye. The bible says he knows the number of stars in the sky. While other people were taking turns looking in the telescope, my friend Becca just laid on the asphalt and stared up into the sky. We could see millions of stars. It was so beautiful. We laid there, listened to the sound of night in the woods, and talked about how much God loves us.

It was wonderful... and this is where I live.

Finding Joy

*aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

That's my sigh of relief. The summer season at camp is over and we're back to only having guest groups in on the weekends. This means no more working weeknights, getting woken up by singing or screaming campers at midnight, etc. Back to the simplicity I love so much about living in the mountains :)

It has been a hugely blessed summer here, and I've had a blast working in the office. I've had the pleasure of meeting some truly touching people who have come to stay here. I've also been challenged and stretched in ways I never have before. Things I can't write about in the open, which is why I've been absent here. It's hard to keep blogging pretending everything is hunky-dory when it's really not. This season of life has been one of the hardest, and there were days when I literally wanted to give up & quit. But I didn't, I kept going, I kept praying and you know what? I made it. And I feel refreshed. And I feel stronger because I leaned into the Lord for strength when I knew I didn't have any of my own left.

I'm not saying I did this with the most grace, because I certainly am a whiner. That is something I am working on :) Through all the struggles I've faced this summer, one huge blessing has been the summer staff office help: Joyann. She is the most gracious, gentle, and kind spirit I think I've ever met. It's been HUGE for me to be able to sit next to her every day and see her example of holding her tongue, always keeping a positive attitude, and giving such Godly encouraging advice.  God truly blessed me by having the privilege of working with her day in and day out. That or He really wanted me to learn to be more like Him. Joyann is one of the most Christ-like people I've known and seriously, I can't put to words what her example has meant to me. I've learned a lot this summer from her, and just from being herself.

Throughout the challenges I've faced this summer, I've also been emotionally different. Pregnancy is hard. I haven't felt 100% in five months, I finally got over being sick and now I can't sleep through the night, I'm sensitive, and to top that all off I tend to be passive aggressive. At work I feel the need to hold that all in and keep a smile on my face. When coworkers offend or irritate me I just look away and take a deep breath; when guests are pushy or rude, I smile and offer ways to come to a solution.

It's exhausting. I don't want to ignore coworkers who bother me, I want to yell at them. I don't want to offer helpful solutions to guests who are rude to me, I want to tell them to figure it out themselves if they're so unappreciative. But instead, I hold it all in for eight hours and then when my sweet husband picks me up he gets the whole day of frustration poured out on him. I hate that I do that. It's not Christlike. It's not respectful. It's not encouraging.

It hurts my heart when I am impatient with Zach. Sweet Zach who loves me no matter what and hugs me when I'm yelling at him for no reason. So I've been trying to find ways to relieve that tension at the end of the days. I'm incredibly blessed to live in the woods where there are so many places to go, and also to live at a camp that has a herd of horses.

This week after work, I headed up to the barn and helped our wrangler feed the horses. AKA I stood in the back of a flat bed truck and threw hay into the pastures. And you know what, I haven't been that happy in a long time. Something about being outside, feeling the fresh air on my skin, hearing the horse noises when they see the truck coming & they are so excited.

When I came home on Monday evening after feeding, I was smiling, laughing, had energy. Zach even said "wow, I haven't seen you in this good of a mood in a long time." So on Thursday, my day off, I came up to help lead arena rides for a special needs group we had in last week. I spent two hours walking in circles, leading these adults around the arena on horseback. It was so.much.fun.

Sometimes I'm overly tired, sometimes I'm emotional, sometimes I feel depressed, sometimes I get unnecessarily cranky. Always, God is enough. Always, He provides a solution. Always, He leads me to where I can find joy.

On Growth

You may recognize this post from Meg's blog a few weeks ago, but I wanted to share on my little blog too..

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This spring, I decided to learn how to garden. I bought a few plants, easy ones, just pansies and alyssum to start out. My sweet husband made me an awesome planter box out of some wood we salvaged from an old dresser. One of the ladies here at camp has a beautiful garden, so I asked her to help me plant my flowers and teach me how to take care of them. This time, I really wanted to keep those plants alive.  



www.carolinefontenot.com



So she taught me how much to water them and how often, she taught me how to cut them down after they bloom, and she taught me how to plant them with enough space and deep enough down that the roots get all the water they need.

After a few weeks, I knew I needed to "dead-head" (trim the spent blooms off) and I found myself not wanting to. I didn't want to cut away pieces of my precious plant, in fear I would ruin it. So I stared at my flowers, and at the dead ones that needed to be cut off, and I made myself do it. 

I started thinking and realized I do this with a lot of things in my life. I don't want to remove the parts that are finished. I'm afraid of letting things go that aren't necessarily what they once were to me. 

But you know what, after I dead-headed those flowers, the plant looked fresh. It wasn't cluttered with dead blooms and the live ones had room to reach closer to the sun.

It made me realize that this is sometimes what  God asks us to do, to remove parts of our lives that are spent so that the new, alive parts can reach Him better. I need to be more prepared and willing to get rid of the things that are just cluttering my life with dead leaves per se, and allow the new parts of me to feel fresh. To feel alive. And to have a way cleared for them to blossom. 

God promises us that he renews our hearts, and that when we ask for forgiveness our slates are wiped clean. What are you allowing yourself to hang on to that is cluttering the newness in your life? Allow yourself to move on, to make a fresh day for yourself. I bet you'll feel a lot better when you do :)

Sometimes I Forget to Have Faith.. But HE is Always Faithful

Time to tell a little story I've been wanting to write out for awhile. I couldn't share until it was official but now that it is, I am so glad to share yet another way that God is so incredibly faithful to His children! aka YOU & me :)

OK so this story requires me to back up a bit, I'm gonna try to keep it concise though. In 2007, I dropped out of college to pursue my dream of being a hairdresser. I soared through beauty school, on cloud 9 the whole time, except for my lower back pain. I would lay awake at night with muscle spasms, but I assumed it was normal from standing on my feet all day.

Fast forward two years from graduation [now early 2010], I've been doing hair full time and the busier my schedule gets, the more my back hurts. The pain had spread to my shoulders & neck, and after a full day, I would barely be able to get home, lay on the couch, and beg someone to bring me ice. It felt like a catch 22 because I wanted to build my clientele, and have a full schedule, but all it did was cause me tons of pain. Finally, my lovely friend Devon [start your blog!!!!!!!!] finally says to me, "Katie..that is NOT normal pain. You need to figure something out". I ended up spending thousands of dollars on physical therapy and chiropractic care and it did nothing.

In January of 2011, I got rear ended on the freeway. I was stopped, they were going between 45-55 mph and hit me dead on. Whiplash ensued, headaches, etc. I started with PT and chiropractic, and after a few months of no improvement, my chiropractor referred me to acupuncture. I was terrified, but it ended up helping so much. I was basically cured in about 8 weeks of care. [someday I'll write about how much I loooooove acupuncture!]

In October of 2011, Zach was offered his almost dream job of working maintenance at a Christian camp [it would be his total dream job if we were at a YL camp - but we are very happy here]. Along with his offer came an offer for me to work in "accommodations", which I learned was the housekeeping department. My immediate reaction was, I don't want that job. Not only is it less than glamorous work, but I was concerned about my neck/back pain returning. I knew how much Zach wanted this job at camp and I felt like I just needed to deal with the implications of my new job in housekeeping. I chose not to say anything about my history of neck and back pain when we accepted the jobs, just because I didn't want to seem high maintenance.

A week into the job here, I knew I was going to struggle. My neck immediately started bothering me & I still felt like I couldnt say anything since I was the one who chose to accept this job. I kept thinking I should pray about this, but for some reason I didn't. Don't ask why.. I decided I would go to my immediate boss and then the executive director to ask about switching departments if the oppurtunity arose.

In early January, I was at home laying on a heating pad to relax my neck muscles when I got a call over the radio for me to come down to the director's office. I wasn't worried even though it felt a little like being called to the principle's office in school, lol.

I walked down to camp and was offered a full time position working in the camp office, as an assistant to the Guest Relations Coordinator, aka my dream job! I now get to help coordinate all the groups planning their retreats up here, help with their needs the weekends they are here, and have personal interaction over the phone when anyone calls. I love my job.

After being offered the job, all I could think of was just how faithful our God is! I always put my trust in Him, but in this case I definitely wasn't relying on Him to solve the issue. I was taking matters into my own hands by deciding to talk to my two bosses about moving jobs. I just love how God swooped in and took care of everything before I even could, as if saying,

"Katie, my precious daughter, I know your needs and I will always provide for them."

Amen.

Source: roadcalledlife.blogspot.com via Katie on Pinterest

He Is Risen Indeed

I love Easter. It is the most meaningful holiday to me, as it symbolizes Christ rising from the dead, proving he is the Son of God.

This was our first holiday all by our selves, and I will admit I was pretty lonely for our familes. Zach's parents and grandmother were with his sister and her family, and my parents had all of our extended family over for dinner.

I had big plans for our first Easter as a married couple; at Target last week I tricked Zach into picking out his favorite Easter candy (ps. after three years, why do I still not know what it is?!) and also letting me buy Easter eggs. Z always goes to bed before me, so I was going to do a little egg hunt Saturday night for him to wake up to Easter morning. Welp, I ended up falling asleep on the couch with him so that did not happen! I'm actually dissapointed about it :(

Sunday morning, we drove to San Diego to pick up my sister who wanted to come to church with us. Church was not your typical Easter service. We did sing a lot of worship songs about Christ rising from the dead, but the sermon had nothing to do with Easter (??) I was a little surprised! At the end, they did cardboard testimonies, which I love! It's so meaningful to see how Christ has totally healed people!

After church we hung out at our little house, I worked on finishing up my garden outside, and later we had a bonfire outside. It was just perfect. We also got to skype with Zach's family and finally meet baby Will! We FaceTimed with my family, and Cara and I got to say hi to everyone there :) We even dressed up in matching Easter outfits...

hahaha cute I know!

And lastly, we hung a hummingbird feeder outside and it's pretty much my favorite thing in the world. It's amazing how much joy the little things can bring!

See him!? so cool!

Is This Real Life?

Sit in that six-lane backed up traffic
Horns are honking, I've about had it
I'm looking for an exit sign
Gotta get out of here, get it all off my mind
And like a memory from your grandpa's attic
A song comes slippin' through the radio static
Changing my mood
A little George Strait 1982

And it makes me wanna take a back road
Makes me wanna take the long way home
Put a little gravel in my travel
Unwind, unravel all night long
Makes me wanna grab my honey
Tear down some two-lane country
Who knows
Get lost and get right with my soul
Makes me wanna take
Makes me wanna take a back road.

I've been cooped up, tied down, 'bout forgotten
What a field looks like, full of corn and cotton
If I'm gonna hit a traffic jam,
Well it better be a tractor man
So sick and tired of this interstate system
I need a curve and wind-a-twistin'
Dusty path to nowhere
With the wind blowing through my baby's hair

[source]

Take a Backroad - Rodney Atkins

Six months ago, whenever this song came on the radio, I would cry. I was commuting an hour or more each way to a job I didn't like; I had somewhere to be every single night after work; I didn't get enough sleep; I didn't exercise; I had no time to do anything I wanted. All of my commitments were things I didn't want to cut out though, so I felt stuck. I was leading Young Life, and the coordinator for that school, I was part of a bible study, I wanted a social life, and to spend time with my extended family. None of those things are anything to get rid of, but they all take up time, and in my case it was taking all of my time.

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Today as I drove to the post office, I literally got teary eyed thinking, "WOW.. this is real life!". I had country music blasting, the windows down, sun shining, breeze blowing, not a car in sight as I overlooked the valley and saw the ocean in the distance. All I could do was tell myself - I actually live here. This is my real life. I am sooooooo happy!

So I took some pictures to share :) And, I love visitors. 


All photos from my iPhone; all photos unedited - if you can believe that.

See the grocery store way down there?!

Just imagine what this looked like in person. Breathtaking.

Weeeee! [ok maybe this one is a little edited]



Bottom Line: I am BLESSED!

How Are You Spending Your Time?

If you are new here, welcome! I get excited every time I see a new GFC friend, and I like to get to know y'all :)

My husband Zach and I are blessed to be able to call "work" living and serving at a Christian camp in the mountains of San Diego. One of the many amazing parts of this being our jobs, is that once a week we get together as a staff and have devotions & prayer. It is so incredible to work somewhere that people can stop their busy days and sit together to worship our amazing God.

Last week's message really spoke to me. Well actually a few of them lately have really spoken to me and I hope I can get them into words on here soon. 

Teach us to number our days,
   that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12

First we broke down how many seconds in a minute, to how many minute a day, to how many hours in a year. I liked that since I am such a visual, literal person. Then we filled out a pie chart with 24 slices, 1 hour in each, and filled in where we spent our days. Sleep 11-7, get ready 7-7:45, work 8-4:30... then what? This is where it got convicting. 

I will be the first to admit I really put the important things on the backburner first. I hate that about myself and it'd be the first thing I would change if I could. I have 5-7 hours of "me time" each afternoon. To do whatever I please with! And that's just on work days!

Next we did a little comparison.. these are based on if you lived for 75 years. My friend Mike calculated if you spent 3 hours a day on the computer [especially for us bloggers], in a lifespan of 75 years you would have spent 9.4 years of your life on the computer! If you have a hobby you spend 1 hour per day on, thats a little over 3 years of your life doing just that activity. 

Here's what gets me... most people spend less than 2 hours a week with God. Thats 1 hour for church and 1 hour spread throughout the rest of the week. Two hours a week for 75 years = 225 days which is less than a year of your life with God. 

Now people brought up the argument that everything you do should be for God's glory so then you would be giving all of your time to God. This IS a a valid point, but not really the point of the exercise.

I couldn't believe these numbers [ again being the literal person I am, I take this very seriously, haha!]. I spend how many hours a week reading blogs? How many hours reading tweets? How many hours watching TV? And.. how many hours do I spend with God?

Not enough.

That's the simple truth. I often think, "I should do my bible study" and then pick up my phone instead. And then I wonder why I do this. I hate it. When I do have a quiet time, I am so refreshed and left yearning for so much more. If I feel that way, then WHY do I resist it so much? 

I reached out to my friend Ashley and she made a really funny but really great comparison [which I wont post here but Ill email you if you want to know :)] and basically boiled down to this:

 It doesn't matter how I feel. God deserves my time, every day. He deserves my praise. He deserves my priority. He is worthy. He is faithful. And He is always waiting for me.

For Kaylee

My darling Kaylee,

You are beautiful. 

God created you to be you, and by being true to yourself you are obeying him. 

You are His faithful servant. You are His masterpiece, when He sees you, He smiles. 

You make Him proud.

God has given you a gift of a beautiful singing voice, and a nack to play the guitar. 

You continually use this for His glory, and He is pleased with you.

By pursuing your dream of music, you are using the gifts He gave you every single day.

He loves you. Oh, how he loves you.

You are able to inspire people twice your age. 

Your radiance brightens the darkest spirits. 

Your honesty is also a gift, something not every one knows how to use, and being real will take you far, Kaylee. He gave you the ability to be so real.

You hurt much because you care much. It may be hard now, but it is a good thing to care so much.

Miss Kaylee, you make people laugh -- all the time. Do you realize what a gift this is? The gift of bringing joy. God has chosen you to have these specific qualities. You are so wise and you follow Him so faithfully, this will only bring you more understanding of Him. High school and college are so hard.. figuring out who you are is so hard. Keep leaning on Jesus Kayls. Only He can truly make your heart whole. Only He can strengthen your character. I admire you more than I say, and I wish I had your humor, joy, compassion, and dedication. The music you write reaches deep into people's souls, and blesses them more than you will probably ever realize. Jesus has put those words and notes in your heart for a reason. I am so proud of you, so so proud of you for allowing Him to use you through music. Keep going friend. Keep being you. Because that is exactly who He designed you to be.

I love you always, and I'll forever be here for you.

xoxox,

Katie

The Truth About Baby Fever

Soo... I didnt really have anything to write about since this is not a "health" blog and the only thing I can think about is this juice cleanse we are doing. We were planning to do it for 6 days and spent almost a hundred fifty dollars on fruits and veggies. Well, we're in day 2 and more than halfway through our veggies! Since our food is included in our pay.. we cant exactly afford to drop more than that per week, so we will be cleansing until we run out of veggies! Then we will continue to eat mostly clean. Until then.... I'm dreaming of oatmeal and triscuits and fish tacos. MMMMmmm....


Anyways. Zach and I are sitting on the couch right now, I am reading blogs and he was watching a documentary on cows. Yes my husband is obsessed with cows. He went to school for them (a real live cowboy), he names all the breeds when we drive past them, he quizzes me on whether they are "dairy" or "beef" cows, etc. He loves them. It's beyond me..

Anyways, the documentary got to the part about birthing and was showing all these cow births. At one point it showed a calf that had to be pulled out manually and it was super graphic and it ended up the calf was dead. And they showed it lying there. And I BURST into hysteric tears. And Zach laughed. Then I laughed. But I was still crying and I didn't know why! Then I realized why. Because I want a baby someday. And I might be naive in some things, but I know how common it is for pregnancies to go not 100% as planned, and frankly, that scares the bejeezus outta me. I am so fearful that when Zach & I decide to get pregnant we will either have a hard time conceiving at all, or once we do I will lose the baby. I don't know why this is such a fear but it is. I read a lot of blogs where women have lost their babies and it has given me insight to how that might feel and it sounds completely awful. 


A few weeks ago I read this post from Heather [Finding Beauty In The Ordinary -- awesome blog] and it spoke to me so much because I know that  is exactly how I will feel. I am a nervous wreck about most things, and I'm sure growing a human will be the worst of it. I pray that we will never have to experience this type of loss and I pray that no one I know will either.

I am sensitive. I love lots and when others hurt, I hurt too. When they showed the baby calf on the TV my heart hurt for the mama cow. Please don't judge me. I am just being real here. I know it sounds silly, but that is how I felt.

So the moral of my story is this. I need to learn to trust God. Even for the things in my future. He knows how much I want to be a mama, He knows how nervous it makes me and He knows Zach and I pray about 'when' all the time. I need to trust Him that His plans for my life are perfect. That He knows exactly what He's doing, and if we do have to endure heartache, it will be for His glory.

Source: achristianyoginisblog.com via Katie on Pinterest

Oh and by the way, Zach switched to watching cartoons after my little crying episode :)

Please allow me to confess...

My mind's been a-wandering since I've been working alone all week & had tons of time to think. Allow me to confess to you some of the things I dwell on while makin' all those beds and vacuuming all those meeting rooms! Don't judge me, friends.

• Pinterest: While I agree that Pinterest is super duper handy and convenient, not to mention tons of fun & overwhelmingly full of amazing ideas on the web; I am inconsolably envious of you engaged ladies [or ladies who will be engaged at some point] who have Pinterest to act as your personal wedding planner/idea board. The rest of us old married women had to use sticky notes, "bookmarks", and actual binders. I loved looking at ruffledblog.com when I was planning our wedding & had to search that site hundreds of times to find that one picture of that one cake or that one hairstyle. You honestly have no idea how many bookmarks I had on my computer at work. You are SO LUCKY to have Pinterest to help you keep all your random ideas in one cute little organized place. End rant. [yes I'm talking to you, Molly] And yes, I do dwell on this 7 months after our wedding. Oh! happy 7 months of marriage today, babe :)

• SoCal Blogger Meet-Up: I can't believe I will actually get to meet some of the girls that keep my sane while living atop this mountain. Like I've said, I did not intend to make friends by blogging, I just wanted to clear my head through writing. Well one thing led to another and now I'm in love with it & also with the friends I have made. Like real friends! [atleast they better be real!] Saturday I get to meet a few of the girls that live down here and I can't stop talking about it. Even though my coworkers think I'm weird for going to a "blogger meetup". But to be honest, [cue confession] I am soooo nervous. I am very confident behind the computer screen, but here I can think about what I type.. back up and re-type, etc. I get social anxiety when I am around new people and I have been praying all week that this doesn't happen! I know these girls already love me so I dont know why I am so nervous, but just had to be honest here people.
• Balance: While I am on the subject of blogging; I just want to confess that sometimes I don't have the time to write out everything thats in my head. Sometimes I just love reading what all you bloggers have to say and usually I find myself encouraged, inspired, and come away refreshed. So, thank you. Thank you for finding the time to write out what's on your heart. Because it really does touch me.
• God Time: I am not good at making time for God. It has always been a struggle for me ever since I realized I could have a relationship with Him. Waking up early is just not realistic because I hate mornings. After work I get distracted and honestly, just forget. I've really been convicted about this lately and so I've been searching for a remedy. I finally ordered Beth Moore's Believing God study workbook and honestly, it has been amazing. In just a few days of going through her lessons, I have seen so much growth. It encourages me and excites me for the next days' lesson. I am beyond thankful for this right now!

Source: weliveforjesus.tumblr.com via Danielle on Pinterest


• Juicing: This is my last confession. For today atleast. We bought a juicer a few weeks ago after watching Fat Sick & Nearly Dead and a few other documentaries on Netflix. So far, Zach has used it every single day since we got it & I have used it exactly once. And of course I documented it with a photo. I did commit to doing a 7-day juice fast starting on Monday [thanks to Ashley ] because I really do believe in the effects and I want to see the health results. I just dont think it tastes that good. I'll have to deal though.

Restoration

Today was a no good, very bad, terrible, awful day. But thankfully, we have a God that restores our hope.

Seriously, today was one of those days that just sucked. It started off with me not feeling well, then everything with my grandma just hit me and I was super emotional, work was SO busy -- and not feeling good and being emotional wasn't really helping all that at all. 

Rewind to last night. I was working on my quilt I am making for our nephew, and getting frustrated. None of my rows are lining up right and they are turning out all crooked and well basically no one else will ever notice. I am such a perfectionist that it was making me crazy! Then I was thinking about it in the shower (where I do all my best thinking) that it kind of pertains to my life. Not everything in my life always lines up just right. Sometimes things turn out a little lop sided. 

But that's just how life is. And that is why we need Jesus. On our own, we cannot straighten our paths or align things just right. We can't make it through a hard day without crying. 

Being a Christian doesn't mean things won't get hard. And it doesn't mean that you'll always be happy. It means that I have someone to lean on, someone who loves me 100%. He will never love me less, He will never love me more. And He cares about my heart, He knows my grandma is sick, He hears the crying out of my prayers.

He gives me energy to finish a hard day. He gives me hope in healing. He gives me a sunset each night that says just how much He loves me, and He loves you too.

Yes we suffer. But He sees that. And He restores us. He gives us that hope & a reason to trust Him. 

I thank God for restoring my heart, because I know I definitely couldn't walk through this life alone.

Photo from my coworker Michael Keleher

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ,

 after you have suffered a little while, 

will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

1 Peter 5:10

If we went to coffee..

Since I live on top of a mountain with no friends in sight, we're having an online coffee date.. mmkay??

Source: takethesidestreet.com via Katie on Pinterest

• I would admit I have a love/hate relationship with Proverbs 31 because I feel it is unreachable. But, that is my insecurity speaking and overall I love that God loves us enough to give us a clear example of how to be a Woman of God.

• I would tell you that I woke up this morning with a super bad sore throat. I am thankful I already had the day off but fear calling in sick tomorrow if I don't get better! We have a full camp coming in and I know I need to be there to finish up getting it ready. Since I live an hour from any sort of doctor, it's kind of a gamble whether or not to go!

• I would also tell you that I really want to see Beauty and the Beast but Zach does not want to go with me. Any So Cal bloggers want to go with me? Pretty please?? (do I sound desperate or what?)

• I would also tell you that the friends I've made through blogging have honestly kept me from from becoming lonely here. I love where I am working, I absolutely am happy here. But I am such a people person that I need social interaction with people who have similar views/humor/interests as me. And through blogging, I have found that. So, thank you.

• I would admit I am 100% addicted to How I Met Your Mother. I absolutely cant stop watching it. It is so funny!!

• I'd tell you how adorable it is that Zach just got his new juicer in the mail and first thing this morning drove an hour to the market to get all his veggies and fruits. I am so excited he is inspired by all the documentaries {1 / 2 / 3} we've been watching and will totally support him in this adventure! 

• That I want to put more hair advice on my blog and I don't know what to tell.. kind of how healthy people dont know how to share because its common sense to them & they dont realize what the rest of us dont know. What do y'all want to know?! I love sharing hair stuff.

• I'd also tell you that I hate feeling complacent. I hope to always be reaching for something bigger and better for me, for Zach, and for our marriage. I ordered Real Marriage & the workbook off Amazon and cant wait to receive it and go through it together.

• I also ordered Believing God for myself, because sometimes I need help in that department.

• I'd bashfully admit that I led our staff devotion yesterday & everyone told me I did a really good job. I don't like being in front of people and I have trouble believing in myself. I am trying to believe that I am capable of bringing God's word to adults and not just High Schoolers, but I still struggle. I am so thankful that God gave me the the courage to stand up and do so though!

• And I'd tell you thanks for having coffee with me :) Let's do it again some time.

What would you tell me on our coffee date?

My Tattoos & What They Mean To Me

Super pumped about showing off my tattoos! 
I have mixed feelings about tattoos, since they are on your body foreverrrr. I think getting a random tattoo because its "cute" or you just want one is dumb. Sorry, not sorry. 
Both of my tattoos have meaning and were thought out. 
Here is my first tattoo. I got it in April of 2008. Sweet Jesus I can't believe its been almost 4 years!

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."Ephesians 5:1-2
My daily reminder that God freely gives me grace & love, and to walk in the confidence of knowing that the God of the universe loves ME.
My second tattoo is a combination of meaning. I got the word "grace" written vertically in Greek with my sister. Her middle name is Grace and she got the same thing on her back. Also, my favorite explanation of grace is: the undeserved love and salvation God gives. mmm.
Two weeks later I went and had two lilies and a dove added. Because it didn't hurt enough the first time? This beauty is on my ribs under my left shoulder. I love it.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

    “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:25-34

I am a worrier by nature. This passage has given me so much hope over the years that I decided I wanted to add it to the grace tattoo. I asked an artistic friend to try to put this passage into a picture, and I think she did an amazing job.

Taking close up pictures reminds me I need to get these touched up! I love the sepia look, but it fades really fast. I was actually told that the one on my foot would be a sepia/henna color. Does it look non-black to you? No, me either. Oh well :)

I love that my tattoos are meant especially for me and also that I dont have to show them if I dont want to. Maybe one day I'll get another one, but for now, these two are sufficient for me!

Worth the Four Minutes

"There's a problem if people only know you're a Christian by your Facebook"

Amazing Grace

Had to pop in for a quick post tonight.

Let me set the scene to about two hours ago:

Hubs & I are sitting on the couch, watching Parenthood [addicted. both of us.] and we hear something faint in the background. It sounds like.. singing? Zach says, "hey, pause this" and we open our window. Sure enough, the 100 college students that are staying at camp right now are sitting around the campfire that is about a football field away from our house and below us [we're on a steep mountain] and we hear them singing. Hymn after hymn after hymn. Everything else is completely silent. 

Today sucked. I'll be honest I pouted all day, didn't talk to many people, and avoided that dang question, "is everything ok?"that more than five people asked. I am ok. I'm fine, but I miss my family, my back/neck hurt really bad, and frankly I just didn't feel like working. So I hermit-ed a little. And emailed Hollie about my struggling and relying on God, while I didn't rely on God all day. Oops.

Yes my back hurts, and I'm tired, and I want to go to Seattle and see my peeps but you know what? I live on a mountain that overlooks the ocean. I get to wake up and see deer in my front yard. I get to see the sun set over the ocean every night. I am married to my best friend & he loves me the same even on my bad days.


And that singing, those hymns, just made me realize. That is what really matters. That God cares about us, that He loves me, He loves you, and He deserves our praise.

Sitting on my couch, looking into the black outside the window and hearing 100 voices singing to our God, was the most peace I've felt in months.

I love when I get those reminders from God to simplify, focus on the most simple of all things. Silence, stars in a black sky, and hymns of praise. Amen.

via
Taken from the mountain I live on.

Well Done

When it's your time to leave this world, what will people say about you?

Source: heartbeatoz.tumblr.com via Katie on Pinterest

Last night, I saw on Facebook that someone on Young Life staff had passed away. I didn't know him well, but I did work with him for a month about five years ago and remember him being a very genuine, vibrant, and witty man. He has two little boys and a beautiful wife who are still living, and my heart breaks for them. I cant imagine life without Zach anytime soon, especially if we had a family. I don't know them, but I am praying them.

What my heart doesn't break for, though, is the fact that this man is so undoubtedly in heaven. I was reading through what people had written on his facebook wall, lots of stories, memories, but mostly were countless young men and women, in high school or in college, or in their twenties leaving a note saying that this man had lead them to Christ. Without him standing up strong for what he believed in, and doing what God asks of all of us, to spread the gospel to the ends of the earth, it appears that hundreds of people would not know their Savior.

However, the post that stood out the most to me simply said, "Well done, good and faithful servant." 

That's all; no story, no thank you.

This made me think, if I got cancer, was in a car accident, slipped on ice and fell into a coma, whatever... what would people say about me? When I get to the gates of heaven, what will God say about me?


Yes I work at a Christian camp, yes I led Young Life & mentored teenagers for two years, yes I invite my family to church often; but what about my thoughts? What about  my actions?

Source: 320sycamoreblog.com via Katie on Pinterest

The words in that quote are beyond meaningful. I know the only way to be preaching the Gospel without words, is to have my heart fully hidden in Christ (so filled with His love & compassion there is no room for my own selfishness). When I read the posts on this man's facebook wall, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that God must be pleased with him.

I can only pray that God is pleased with me too. I'm pretty dang good at talking the talk, putting on a happy face. But when we start talking real, I don't always know if my intentions are in the right place & I'll be the first to admit that my thoughts are not always pleasing in God's eyes.

A verse my favorite Marlene (my mentor) always reminds me is to "hold every thought captive to God". It took me awhile to grasp the meaning of this verse, but I think it's time to start remembering this every day.

Source: etsy.com via Katie on Pinterest

So by the death of a man who I barely knew, the Lord is speaking to me. I know He can speak to you too, if you'll listen.

These lessons aren't always easy, but I know its time for me to start thinking about my day to day life. Am I pleasing God? If today was my last day, do I think the Lord would say to me, "Katie, well done my faithful servant" ... maybe He would. Maybe I am too hard on myself. But I know have a lot of room to improve and grow.

My prayer will be that my life will be one that is worth someone saying Well done, good and faithful servant.

If I Had a Million Dollars

I've been planning this post all week, preparing to show you readers how I would decorate my house if I had no budget. I've searched the Pottery Barn, Pier 1, and World Market websites just to show you photos like this

and this

and this.

I was planning to write all about how magical and glittery and warm and fuzzy Christmas makes me feel, and how I'd love to place those all of those items in our home, if only I was fortunate enough to afford it all.

Now, let's rewind. We are searching for a new home church down here, and both are getting discouraged with the ones we've tried so far. We were blessed by an incredible community at a church for 4 years, and recently switched to a non denominational church in Seattle prior to moving down here. We adore the pastor there, still listen to his sermons online, and are having trouble finding someone who can compare. We pray about this everyday, and both our hearts are just hurting, yearning for a church to call home.

This morning we drove a little further to try a church that looked promising. We really enjoyed the worship (I'm picky) and then they turned on the video screen. Immediately I was turned off; I like the pastor to be standing in front of me, not feel like I'm at the movie theatre... Anyhoodles, the pastor started talking about a ministry the church has in Mexico to feed children whose parents either abandon them, don't come home from their nightly work with drugs sex or crime, or who just can't afford to feed them. These children live in 6'x8' storage units. Most of the doors have been broken off and are replaced with pieces of broken wood or abandoned buildings. These kids just stay in their storage units, all lined up next to each other (I envisioned a row of prison cells when the pastor was telling all this) and hope their mothers come home that morning to unlock the door.

Last year, the church's ministry there had enough money after feeding 400 children, to get each child a gift worth 15 cents. They felt bad for only giving each child a pencil and a candy cane. When those kids realized they each got a pencil and a candy cane, they shouted and laughed and jumped up and down! They were so excited to get a gift of a pencil and candy cane tied together.

Here's where I broke down. I felt so incredibly ignorant, selfish, and materialistic. My heart was broken for these children. I ugly cried in church while the pastor on the TV screen talked about the Mexican kids. Not only do they live in storage units hoping that their parents to come home each morning, but they are cold. Most of them don't own any blankets and sleep on the dirt floor. Insert more ugly cry. Do you know how many blankets I own? I just bought a heating pad yesterday because I didn't think my blankets were warm enough.

I will say now, that I am so incredibly thankful for where I was born and the family I was born into. I am so thankful that we can afford to stay warm and cozy, and to brighten our home with Christmas decorations. I have parked my booty on that heating pad and fully intend on keeping it there.

But in the midst of the season of giving, I have been reminded that it's not all about me. It's not all about fulfilling wish lists. For thousands of people just 70 miles south of me, their wish list is much simpler than mine. So today, while shopping at Target with my wonderful husband, we bought a blanket. A big soft fleece one to send to Mexico. It feels so small and insufficient compared to how much is needed, but for now it's what we want to give. I can tell, though, that this is the beginning of something pulling at my heart strings.

I love the Christmas season, I love the lights and the decorations, I love the friendliness it brings out in strangers. It's so easy to focus on the cheeriness of this season, but this morning, my friends, my heart was broken for this season. I needed to share my heart with y'all. But mostly for myself, to look back and remember how I felt today, remember these kids and be reminded that I am incredibly blessed, and have the means to share with others.

So in the midst of my broken heartedness, I will rejoice that there are ministries reaching these children and many other children each day. I rejoice that our God, our King, cares. He cares about you and I, and He cares about those we don't even know about. Our God is big, so big, and he will provide for those kids, I just know it.

"But God will never forget the needy,

nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish." 

Psalm 9:18

We Went for a Drive

Okay, I know I have mentioned a few times how beautiful it is here. On our way home from church last week, we stopped at one of the many "vista points" on the road to our home to look and take some pictures. Just wanted to share!

'nuff said.

Love this picture & my bearded husband.

The view looking South

view looking West. that blue on the left beyond the land, is the ocean

this view is from the main part of camp. that blue is also the ocean.. its much more vivid in person!

Sadly, we have lived here for almost a month and haven't actually been to the ocean! I'm hoping my hubster will take me on a date there soon. Until then, I am totally enjoying these views from the place I call home.

The LORD is gracious and merciful,
   slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
The LORD is good to all,
   and his mercy is over all that he has made.
Psalm 145:8-9

My Christmas Wishlist '11

Welp I've been compiling a list of things I want for Christmas this year in my iPhone and decided it's time to put it all down on "paper". Since I just started blogging I thought, "why not make a post about it!?" just because I can. I love blogging!

So here it is, the wishlist for this year.

Dear Santa,

a. Unconditional Love perfume.. I can smell it when I think of it and it's my favorite Philosophy scent!

b. Black Boots from Target.. I decided on the cowboy style, thanks to those who helped me choose

c. Eddie Bauer Aah-Some Fleece.. I'm in love. I lost my North Face fleece 2 years ago and I love this to replace it!

d. Winter White Infinity Scarf .. loving it!

e. Hummingbird Feeder .. for outside our kitchen window. I sound so olddd!

f. Black Puffy Vest ... !!!!!!!!

g. Dance Central .. for our Kinect, so I can burn some much needed calories

h. Pretty Off White Blouse .. I love the flowy style that's in right now

 i. Rust Colored Cardigan .. not to brag, but I look great in this color!

j. Cozy Slippers.. my feet get so freezing up here

Well, I could always come up with more. Not that I need any of this! Stay tuned for my Christmas decor; I'll post it this week.

Through the midst of choosing gifts for my family (some homemade, can't wait to share) and choosing gifts I would like to receive, I try to keep focused on the fact that this month and holiday are a celebration for our Savior. Without His birth, we would all be a big hot mess. I am thankful for His daily grace and forgiveness in my life.

A cluster of Thoughts

Yup..I have a cold. It's the most pointless sickness to me because it just drains all your energy but other than that, you're fine. It's so easy to whine about though.

We are slowly packing our house up.. it's not taking as long as I thought, but it's still no fun! The camp sent us pictures yesterday of our new home and it is very small. I was not planning on taking everything with us, but now I think we'll take even less than planned. One awesome thing I noticed is that we have a bathtub! I love me some bubble baths. I am trying to pack by room, for a few reasons. A) So it doesn't seem like such a chore and B) so it goes into the moving truck by room..hopefully easier to unpack. I also dislike unpacking. Maybe I should stop moving so much!! We are praying that this adventure will be the last one for a long time!

Last night at bible study, we were studying James 1. I was so incredibly challenged. I have read that chapter many many times but never broken it out like we did. One part stood out in particular to me; verse 21:

Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. (NIV)

So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. (NLT)

I like looking up verses in a few different translations, I feel like it helps me understand them a little better. I have verse 19 taped to my computer at work (You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.) because, well, I need the reminder. But, I have never really noticed verse 21. "get rid of the moral filth in your life" .... "accept the word planted in you" these are things that are so equally important as what's taped on my computer. These things require action! Action can be scary, so I think subconsciously we skip over the parts that require action and just remember the passage as a whole; or remember the parts that make us feel warm & fuzzy. This week I plan to take a chunk of time and write out specific ways I see moral filth in my life and actively work on removing them. I know that part of that is surrendering to God every.single.morning. It is so hard for me to do, because I like being in control. But ultimately, I know that when I am surrendered to God, these morally filthy things in my life become a whole lot more noticeable, and start looking more like obstacles in the way of reaching intimacy with my Savior. I think it will be somewhat difficult to admit all the ways I let moral filth sneak into my life. Life is so short though, it will be gone before we know it, and I don't want to look back and wish I had done something to make a change sooner. I have God's word planted in me. How powerful is that? I have no reason to doubt myself!

So as I continue packing up my house, deciding which of my things I need to bring with me, and which to leave behind; I'll also be evaluating what in my life needs to stay and what needs to go.

Do you dislike packing as much as I do? Anyone have some tips to make it a little more enjoyable?

Snapped with my iPhone on my way to work this morning. I couldn't help but share!